稀稀：十年之后

Posted on by lilimarleen

今天，我的一只猫被宣布患上了绝症。传染性腹膜炎（FIP），死亡率100%。
他已经挣扎一星期了，从我还在墨西哥时发病，反复出入宠物医院。先是肾衰竭，然后心脏也出了毛病，从一肚子尿液抽到一肚子腹腔积液，病危通知书都下了两次，花了五千多块钱。
我回到家里赶紧去看他，瘦了太多，没有精神，但我抱着还会轻微打着呼噜。他是很少呼噜的，想必也有思念我吧。
不肯进食，最喜欢的妙鲜包也不碰了，每天要用针管稀释了强行喂下，时而屈从，时而挣扎。有时候半天没有喂完，妙鲜包倒是被另一只猫偷吃干净了。
今天上午又去复查，又查出一腹腔积水，医生翻了耳朵看了眼睛，终于确了诊。FIP的发病没有任何规律，无药可治，目前所有的治疗方案都只是以缓解痛苦为目的的，即使如此，也没有猫在患病后能活过1年。美国那边正在研制药物，但仍未上市，要买只能找私人买仿制药，即使是仿制药，也需要一天五六百的吃上两三个月。我苦笑，怎么把日子过成了《我不是药神》，莫非我要去走私猫药吗？巧的是，这药还真是靶向药。
医生最后还是说出，放弃吧，别救了，太痛苦了。
尽管查过FIP的资料就已经知道毫无希望，听到这句话时心还是抽痛了一下。毫无办法啊，我第一次感受到不管花多少钱，只要有一线希望就坚持治疗的心情，可是，实际上一线希望也没有。
我黯然地在blog上翻以前关于他的内容。自从2010年后我就不怎么写blog了，幸好，捡到它是2009年，那时候的照片、记录，都还在。
我看见自己在blog上宣布养了第二只猫： 其实养了好几个月了，一开始不敢在blog上说，是因为没有下决心养。
我看见同住两年后的光景： 他已经十三四斤，很大一只，在怀里沉甸甸，热乎乎，有一种幸福的充实感。
我看见读了《猎人们》后的感慨： 虽然不知道未来会如何，但只要你们在我身边一天，我便会全心全意好好的对你们。
我看见失而复得的喜悦： 再见！七月！稀稀回家啦！
我看见相濡以沫的幸福：也许养了八年，这就是我们的默契。我知道你在哪，你知道我要啥。
而和他的故事，很快就要划上句点了。
这个冬天，再也没有猫能和汪汪抱在一起取暖了。也不会再有猫重重的压在被子上，被我踹下床了。我甚至会想，去墨西哥的前一天，他在我床上狠狠尿的那一泡（他极少在床上尿），是在传达什么消息吗？
之前每一次离别只是送给别人养，而这一次是送回喵星，我所有的经验和阅历都难以应对这样的分别，不知道最后一刻，我会和他说些什么，如何面对他看我的眼神。
最后还是只能说：稀稀，我爱你。抱歉不能陪你走下一个十年。

116 thoughts on “稀稀：十年之后”

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